39

Finally have my head out of the fog. Looking back at the last two bloggs I don't remember writing them, I also didn't remember talking to all the people that I did. They said I was quite humorous. I can only imagine.I checked my texted mail and outgoing calls to make sure I didn't call anyone I shouldn't have. I only recall bits and pieces of Wed. How the hell could anyone want to use that stuff for recreation? I understand the whole numbing but the lack of functioning is crazy.
So in 22 min. It will be my birthday. 39! Mom always said the older you got the faster time flew by. Boy she wasn't kidding. I don't feel 39, I know I don't look 39 but somehow I feel a little older than I did. Maybe it has been all the events that have been occurring in my life or maybe I am just finally absorbing all those life lessons. Whatever the case Im not putting too much stock into it. Im actually working in the morning then my buddy Rick is making me pancakes for brunch, I call him daddy Rick even though its more like mother Rick, then a friend is taking me to a party and then who knows. Probably home to bed cause Ill be old then. LOL Sunday Im going to the beach then to the law library to do some homework.
I talked to My ex Chris tonight for while. She has really grown up in the year we have been broken up. She says she finally realized how much she hurt me and so wants to make up for it. Im watching her dogs for her for the weekend while she is with her grandparents and when I picked up the dogs she kept saying that she was so sorry that I am sad. She really just wants to see me happy. Contrary to the belief of others. It was so nice to have her back as a friend. Just a friend. I told her that it wasn't her job to take care of me anymore and that I was a big girl and she said she knew but felt as though it was the least she could do considering she was such an asshole for such a long time. I could'nt disagree with her her about that. It really made me feel good. Tonight we talked about all the things she did when we were together. The lying, cheating and making me doubt myself. She admitted to eveything and that I had been right all along. She said that the reason she lied was that she didn't know how to be honest and that by lying about it she thought she was making things easier for me and it didn't occur to her till recently that the honest thing would have been to come clean and not have done them to begin with. It was really relieving to hear from the horses mouth that it wasn't my fault, that I had been right, my instincts weren't wrong and to get an apology. I realize I am very fortunate to be able to have a relationship with her again and to get answeres to questions that were in the back of my mind. It is just one more layer off that has to be dealt with. I think that it was a very nice presant for her to give me.Damn its after midnight im 39 now. wow. last year in the 30's