So this is pretty much how I feel inside. I go back and forth trying to find that delicate balance between letting her know that I'm going to be there and the other side of protecting myself. How do I help make her feel safe and yet keep my heart from being torn apart like the head of that poor pooh bear? Maybe absence makes the heart grow fonder, or maybe distance shows that I'm not going to be there. Should I put the ball in her court and give her the control? There are so many questions and I cant seem to come up with the answers. I just want to do the right thing. Not just for her but for me as well. To give up now would seem to me as abandoning her when she needs me the most. Not that I can fix her but she does need to feel as though she has support, security , acceptance and love especially from the woman she loves. I get really frustrated because I feel as though I don't know what to do. I want my mind to stop spinning. I used to believe that I needed to get answers to the questions to stop the spinning but maybe I just need to stop asking questions. JUST LET IT GO!! That's what I need to keep reminding myself. This weekend we are going away and I think we just need to have a great time. Get some sun, maybe go dancing, see a museum, sleep in, take a bubble bath, just be. No serious conversations, no questions, no analyzing, nothing but just being together.
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