the calm

A calmness today that I havent felt in a while. Something finally clicked today. I had been asked before what would I do if a friend or a my dog was hurting. I answered anything to make them feel better. I was then asked when I looked in the mirror what did I see? I answered I dont look in the mirror only when Im getting ready to go out. I was then asked if i looked in the mirror what would I see. I replied sadness. (This was all before the break up) I was then asked why I would give to my friends and even my dog the love to feel better yet I wouldnt extend that to myself? Good question. Maybe I didnt feel I was worthy of it,maybe I didnt know how, maybe i just never thought of it in the way. I had basically come out of being in relationships for 10 years. The past six years of that trying so hard to get the love I desperately wanted and trying to give the kind of love I was wanting. What clicked today, and I dont know why it happened today, was that I need to love myseslf. So much of my pain has been because I wasnt able to give or get the love that I was looking for. Only because I had been looking in the wrong place. I have been trying to figure out what to do to make myself happy but I also need to love myself. To be able to give to myself the love that I am trying to give to another.I am so willing to give that to another and leave nothing for myself.I know that this isnt going to take away the hurt or make eveything better but i do know that it is o.k. and that I will be o.k. It really is o.k.