nite nite time

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

nite- nite time
it is bed time for me but i cant seem to shut my brain off so I decided to come and write. I had been told this was very theraputic and I have to agree. This is an incredible outlet that I can just let my mind go and vent. Hopefully later down the line not only will my writing improve but it can be of a happier subject matter. Im sure it will. I feel so much hurt and sadness inside right now. It keeps trying to manifest itself in anger and I am trying to fight that off. I dont want to be angry. Anger comes easier for me because I am trying to shut out the pain.I have an account on myspace and I pretty much butchered it today. It was right after I had talked to her so I was in the heat of the moment. I dont want to loose her as a friend but I dont want her as just a friend either. I dont think she can be just my friend either. We did have chemistry. I know I shouldnt even be thinking about the future but I cant help but believe that we will be together again one day.I guess that might make me a little crazy. As a good friend wrote and this time I have to agree with her " its not meeting the right person it is meeting them at the right time". I wish God would send me down his watch so I can get a better idea of his timing. I can say that the one improvement was I actually got up went to school and carried on with my day. Previously I would have been so upset that I would have blown off everything I was supposed to do and basiclly say fuck it. I guess I have had some improvements in my life.
Posted by thephoenixanddragon at 9:53 PM