Monday, September 11, 2006

ENOUGH ALL FUCKING READY!!!

Warning: I know the latest blogs have been mind vomit spewing out all over this site but this is probably just as bad.
I have been told that God doesnt give you more than you can handel but I feel as thoughhe is testing me. First the woman I love with all I am decides to call it off, then I get phone calls from my other ex with money issues, my health is getting better but not 100% yet, Aunt Flo came to visit, now I just received a phone call from a friend telling me a long time friend just had a massive stoke and they dont expect him to live through the night. GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK ALREADY!!!! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!! there have been times today that I thought I was losing my mind! (I know I wont cause nobody else would claim it)Then to top it all off all this morbidity today because of 9-11.
Looking at this sudden events it shows me how fragile and precious life is. It brings home the issues of my mortality. It wants me to live life to the fullest and to tell those close to me how much I love them. At the same time it depresses me. It makes me sad that there has to be struggles. It makes me sad to loose a friend that I cant get back. It makes me sad to lose a lover that might not come back and it makes me sad in general to be sad. Tonight I am going to spend some time with a friend that is like a brother.I often call him my brother just because if I were to have a biological one I would want him to be it. We are going to spend time talking about our good ol days, crying together about our friend Doug, we called him Daddy, crying about my other loss and looking at pictures of his wedding. Might as well end the night on a good note.

2 comments:

Spilling Ink said...

I'm so sorry for your losses. I truly hope you find comfort with your friend tonight.

thephoenixanddragon said...

thanks sorted. for now I will believe that you believe that.