time

So Im told to listen to my heart. My head tells me what I heard was to move on, anyone would say that it is plain and simple. Not very much room for misinterpretation. My heart doesnt believe it. I dont believe that this is really what she wants. Deep down inside I believe that she wants to be able to be with me, deep down inside I believe she is in love wih me. I think that is why I got a phone call instead of a talking about it face to face. She couldnt do it when I could see her eyes. Maybe I am wrong about this but I dont think I am. Im not angry anymore about this, I respect her a great deal for having the strength, courage and respect for me to do this. She needs some time to do what she has to do. She probabably believes this is the best thing to do for her and for me. I think that she believes by doing this she can save me some pain and she doesnt want me to be hurt anymore by her. I understand that she needs the freedom to do what she has to do without worrying that it is going to hurt me. Last night some friends asked me out and I decided to go. I saw her out. I wanted to talk to her so bad that at times I had to literally command my feet to move in the other direction. She needs space and time to figure things out and Im not going to impose on her. Because I love her so much I will respect her wishes and there will come a day that we will talk and I can find out if Im wrong. I have decided to follow her instructions. I am going to move on with my life. What that means for me is that Im going to continue working on myself. I have a lot on my plate right now. I am also going to take this as an opportunity to fix some issues that need fixing with myself. As I previously said I can be a caregiver. I want to fix things and I like to make people happy. I also tend to draw my happiness from making people happy and by fixing things. It is a role I have had all my life. Being responsible for taking care of others and for making sure they are happy. Even though it is role that is comfortable or me I realize now that it is destined to make me unhappy. I cant be responsible for someone elses happiness I can only be responsible for mine. I realize that I have to find my happiness with what makes me happy. When we broke up I felt like a failure. I failed at being able to make her happy and I failed at making the relationship work. I know now that it hadand has nothing to do with me. So Im moving on trying to figure out what makes me happy. Im spending time with friends, spending time alone, and spending time figuring out what I like.