the dance

The dance. Thats what a good friend calls it. She says that is what the relationship activity between two people really is just a dance. One person does something then the other person reacts. There has to be chemistry between the two or else they would just choose another partner and move on. She says that even though the two dancers might be stepping on each others feet they are still dancing and instead of getting another partner maybe they should change the steps or the music. In my situation my feet are getting sore from being stepped on yet it never occured to me to change the music. Recently the dance step has been me getting rejected if you will and then I pursue which in turn creates the reaction from the other side to repel which makes me pursue even more. I know not a vey pleasant dance but it is one that I am very familiar with the steps.The other part is that the steps are very familiar to the other as well and we are both getting the reaction the other expects and is used to. I guess the mind cant tell what is memory and what is happening in the present especially when still healing from the past. I suppose the catch here is to figure out how to change the music. I have a few ideas, not having expectations. Disappointment comes from expectations not being met. Another thing is maybe focusing on not taking things personal. It is so easy for me to do that and the reality is that it has nothing to do with what is happening. People dont do things to me they do things for themselves and if i happen to be involved thats just how it is. Also I need to keep focusing on making myself happy. The woman I love is not the sourse of my happiness just someone I am sharing that with.