broken

I love talking to my friend Lori. She knows me so well and has always been there for me. Always! When my grandfather died, when A left me, when C and I broke up and now. She knows things and she has yet to be wrong about them with me. She is not afraid to tell me the Gods honest truth even though it might hurt my feeling or not be what I want to hear. We have been having long discussions and she so knows what I am going through right now. She said the pain i am feeling is not just because of this,not because of C but I was broken with A. This was the woman that
I was engaged to get married to, I moved to a foreign country to spend the rest of my life with her just to have her break up with me over the phone while I was back in the states for the summer and have the girl she was cheating on me with move in the day I was gone. I had met C when A and I were still together but we were just friends. I ran right from A to C. No time to heal from a 3 1/2 year relationship but straight into what turned out into a almost a six year relationship. Needless to say when that relationship ended poorly it was a double whammy. I was now facing the hurt that I was feeling from C but also the hurt that i had been avoiding from A. Although getting with C right after A made dealing with the break up easier it enabled me to not get a clear picture about what happened and I wasnt able to mend my heart I just filled in the gap with another love from someone else. Even though it was a long time ago when C and I broke up it brouht back all the thoughts and emotions just I didnt realize it until now that I was never mended. Lori also told me that when you are broken anything good hurts. I can really undestand now. I am trying to fill my heart now with love for myself. it is a hard thing to do, trying to manuver the hurt out and put happiness back in. Lori also shared with me the experience she had. She said that when things ended with her wife that she was broken and a wonderful woman came into her life. Although she loved her dearly it wasnt enough because she was broken. She couldnt accept the good as perfect as it seemed because it just hurt to much. She was still breaking up with her wife and it hurt her because she wanted to give this woman eveything she thought she deserved but just couldnt. It hurt her because she so despertly wanted to but just couldnt. I dont know why A and I didnt work out, but i now know why C and I didnt work out and i a understand now why this last one didnt workout. It didnt have anything to do with the love we had for each other we couldnt see the forest through the trees.