I woke up yesterday with a new outlook and vision of life. I put my notice in at my jog with the faith that I will meet my goal of working in a law office in a couple of weeks. I just decided that life is too short to spend it doing something you don't enjoy. That and Im not getting any younger. I put out 2 more resumes and I have a friend calling a friend to see about getting me put into a position. I guess its a lot of who you know and not just what you know. After work I went over to Mother Ricks house and he cooked me a wonderful brunch and I spent some time with him and his husband. Then I went home picked up my motorcycle and took it over to get checked out. When that was done I decided to pamper myself a little and went and out my hair cut and a waxing. Then I went for dinner to a little restaurant by myself then home to bed to take a nap to rest up for the evening. After my nap I went over to a friends house to go to a party. After a couple of vodka martinis( not me I behaved) we all decided to go to Canada at the end of this month for 4 days. After hanging out there we all decided to go to a local bar and dance. I usually hate going to this bar but it was really the only good place to go and I wanted to dance. Actually I don't hate going its just that there isn't anything there I am looking for. I can go when Im with a group and have a good time but other than that I don't see the point. My ex enjoys going and I would have gone just because she liked to but I always felt as though I didn't fit in anymore the people that are there are a lot younger and enjoy being bar flies. That's not what I want out of my life. Anyway enough on the bar. I actually felt really good and I danced a lot. We hung out there for awhile then decided to carry on somewhere else. I ended up getting home about 330 or so. After sleeping in today I took the bike out again went over to Ricks for breakfast, went for a long ride and then down to the softball fields to watch my friends play. I had a beer(I know this is the second day in a row I had been drinking but just a few)decided to head on home to do homework, this, and then out for dinner plans.I so enjoyed being on the bike these past couple of days. I feel like I am getting the life back in me. I feel healthier, having more confidence in myself and have a vision of where I am going and where I want to be.
I think I can say I finally get it. I had such a hard time understanding what she was going through when she said she was depressed. I had never been there so I just didn't get it. I guess when you walk a mile in someone else's shoes you really do understand things differently. I couldn't understand why she just couldn't be happy and use the love she had for me and I for her to help. I didn't understand that even the little things in life couldn't bring her happiness. I do now. After experiencing not wanting to get out of bed, hating to go to work, not wanting to ride my bike, go to dog park or spend time friends, waking up crying, not being able to sleep I so get it. It o.k. to be able to have sympathy but when you can have empathy it is a whole new thing. Now that it feels as though I am on the other side I can only wish that she is indeed doing better. I feel so very bad for her that she had to deal with that and I wish I would have been able to understand more before. I guess its that shoes thing again.
I feel as though since it is a new year I am going to do things so differently. So far I have started out with that. I had said yesterday was just another day but I guess it wasn't. At the insistence of others I decided to make it a special day because it is a special day. It was the day that I came into this world and I am so lucky to have so many people that care about me and love me. Im not big into resolution on new years or any other instances but I do like to make themes. So this year of my life the theme is going to be productivity. I know a bizarre theme but thats it. I want to be as productive as I can. Taking actions for my future career, my emotional status, my physical status, etc. Doing what is going to be best for me.
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3 comments:
Go YOU!
Interesting book if you ever feel so inspired at a local seller:
"Unholy Ghost: writers on depression", edited by Nell Casey.
REALLY great minds talk from both sides of hell...being the "depressive" and those being with the "depressed".
So you are in a time of re-membering, eh? (re-membering as in putting back the pieces of you discarded, abandoned, stolen or lost along the way...)
Good. May THAT evermore be the touchstone for the rest of this lifetime.
Peace.
You are very lucky to have Mother Rick. I hope you are really, really enjoying his love and attention. He sounds like such a wonderful friend. Next time you see him, please give him an extra squeeze. Only you and I (and the blogosphere) will know that the extra one is from me.
P.T you so ROCK!! thank you for adding me to yur tool bar of favorites. I am very touched!!
Lynn: I so got in trouble for calling Mother Rick Mother!! He was very upset that I put his motherly tendencies over the internet.LOL I know that is just a show he was very touched and when he thought I wasnt looking he couldnt keep the laughter back! Turns out he and his husband go and read my blogs pretty much every day!
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