what is done is done

So I gave in and called her today. I know it wasn't a great idea but I just felt as though I needed to get some things off my chest and get some answers. I did get some answers and it did help yet there are still things I don't understand. She said that it started back when I didn't hear what she was saying about Christine. I didn't give her what she asked for by putting Chris aside. She felt disrespected and it brought back all sorts of issues that she had lived with for four years. That's when her feelings started to change for me. She said that she wasn't saying this to make me blame myself but that is when she started to change. Even though I know that I didn't do anything on purpose to disrespect her or make her feel less than but that was the consequence. The first thought is that it is my fault but in reality it isn't. I was handling the situation the only way I knew how and it happened to step on her issues toes. How she interpreted the situation could have been different. However it happened it happened. I need to stop going over this in my mind trying to find a reason. What is is what is and what happened is done. The only thing that is going to happen by me going over this with a magnifying lens is that I am going to drive myself crazy. So Im going to stop. I wanted so badly to tell her that things could be different, I wanted so badly to tell her that I would never put anyone in front of her again, I wanted so badly to ask for another chance. But I didn't. I cant. I wont.As much as it hurts I have to respect her and more importantly myself. I keep saying and I keep being told that if it is meant to be it will be. This brings little to no comfort for me. I guess time will tell and if she comes back into my life then it is meant to be. I just cannot hold onto any hope or possibility of that happening.
she said she has already gone through what I am going through now. Im glad she is already seeing the other side.
I bounce back and forth between wanting to say fuck it and just giving up and holding on to some extent. Wanting to believe that maybe things will be different and we can have another chance. I know that sounds really pathetic and I bounce back and forth but that's how I work I guess. Im a libra and I always go back and forth until I find the balance. I just don't want to believe that she could have changed so much, that our love could have changed so much. I am happy for her that she has gotten in touch with the fact that she needs to not compromise herself.
She again expressed a desire for space and I know I have to honor that. We cant be just friends right now but Im sure that eventually we will be again. I cant imagine her not in my life yet I also cant imagine her as anything else other than my partner either. I know that in time this too shall pass. It is nothing I haven't been through before. I do know I don't want to be angry, and it is time to continue to work on getting on with things. The truth is life goes on whether she is here or not.
I went through my phone the other day and cleared out phone numbers of people that I didn't want in my life anymore. I am trying to surround myself with friends that want the same things out of life and and don't create drama. I need my friends close right now. It is time for a house cleaning.