Saturday, October 21, 2006

Happy bubble

I had such an incredible day. I started work at Harley today and had an absolute blast. How could it not be fun we spent the day looking at clothes, trying them on, helping other people find things and prepare a shopping list for ourselves. The girls I work with are so funny. The boss had ordered pizza today for everyone and I told them that I didn't eat pizza. So we got into a discussion about my eating habits which led to me saying that I have lost about 50 lbs. and needed to get new clothes because nothing fit. OH MY GOD!! Talk about opening a can of worms. They just started pulling stuff off the shelf. It was so funny but it made me feel so good. I was actually trying on things from the girls side. I have always been really stocky/athletic and have never been called tiny to my recollection but today trying on those clothes Laurie said "damn girl your tiny." It was so wonderful trying on things that didn't need to be worn with boxers, usually everything I wore was baggy. Im getting a pair of overalls tomorrow that I just look so adorable in. Also getting a pair of low riders that are fucking HOT!!!II held them up looking at them and I couldn't believe that I could actually fit in them. A size 6!! That's right a 6 and they have an incredible ass factor.It is so weird almost like I was a different person. I actually have a figure and a damn good one too. I felt so good about myself and how I looked.
All today I have felt so happy and it is all up to the fact that I am doing for myself. Im at Harley cause I want to be and it is playing with things I love. The attorneys office is where I want to go and is just a beginning. All this time I have always been told that Im intelligent, have tons of potential, etc. Yet I never really saw it coming together. Now I have all these opportunities and these people are coming for me for what I have to offer and that I can choose what I want is so incredible to me. Today driving home I got all teared up because I feel so happy. What makes it even better is that this is all coming from me for me. It isn't because of who is in my life or how someone else is making me feel, it is 100% because of what I am making happen in my life. Pretty much right now my life is school, work, my Harley, my dog, my blog at night and a few incredible close friends. I already have my new bike picked out. Im down to two choices. A softtail standard or the dyna super glide custom. I have only 89 more days until I get the discount:)
I just feel so different. I feel almost like the old me back before Ann. Almost like that but better. I have a renewed confidence and self-esteem. I know that all the days aren't going to be perfect and that there is going to come a time that something is going to happen to bust the happy bubble but Im not looking for that or expecting it. Im not letting the idea that that will happen stop me from being happy right now. That is different and its nice. Today I almost didn't know what to do with the feeling then it came to me... just go with it. Its funny how one can so easily put faith and so much energy into negativity and doubt while not looking for the end but when there is happiness and positivity it is easily dismissed doubted and one starts to look for it ending. Maybe it is because that doubt and hurt is all that is known but I think that if we come to always expect bad then that's what we will find. I had said before that productivity was my goal this year. I think I am off to a damn good start.

2 comments:

Leon's current assignment said...

I don't think you're off to a damned good start...I KNOW you are.
Man. Very cool.

At times like this, life feels so good, so right, ya know? Savor it. Burn it. Sear it into your memory banks for all the rainy days and sudden storms that blow through.

I don't even know you but good god I am so proud of you and happy for you. :)

thephoenixanddragon said...

If you come to visit your friend in clearwater we can meet:) Can take you for a ride:)