Saturday, September 23, 2006
Hard day
Today has been a hard day. Woke up this morning and just didnt want to get out of bed, so I didnt. I have friends in town for the weekend for a rugby tourney so I forced myself into getting up and taking the motorcycle out to watch them play. I had to get out of the house. I spent a couple of hours hanging out with them reminising about my old glory rugby days at FSU and then decided to go riding. Usually when I go out riding it gives me a chance to clear my head, get my thoughts straight and to just enjoy. Not today. For the first time this didnt happen. I was just out just to get out and it didnt bring me any joy. A frend called me and said I was near his house so I should stop by and see him and we could go riding together. I really didnt want to the only thing I really wanted to do was go home and go back to bed. He was persistant and I had promised him I would go with him to a party tonight so I agreed to meet him. we went for a ride which helped keep my find focused just because he likes to ride fast and I have to pay attention. After lunch and some conversation we met up with some people for the party tonight. I dont want to do anything but stay home. I told my frends in town that I would go out with them tonight, I told Paul I would go to this party with him and Rick wants me to come over later on. Over booked and no desire to do anything. Paul says I need to keep busy but I just dont want to right now. I Maybe I just need a nap.
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8 comments:
Hello, you. I just spent a little time perusing your site to get a general "feel" of the lay of this land. For now, a few quickie things until time allows (and what a joke that is of late, heh)...
"Usually we regard loneliness as an enemy. It's restless and pregnant and hot with desire to escape and find something or someone to keep us company. When we rest in the middle of it, we begin to have a nonthreatening relationship with lonelines, a cooling loneliness that turns our usual fearful patterns upside down." ---Pema Chodron in "Comfortable with Uncertainty"
Best advice I ever got when I was at the lowest point in my life was when a friend told me I needed to give myself PERMISSION to feel everything I was feeling. What a relief that was. I'd been struggling and resisting against it without an awareness of just how much. I wanted to rush the healing because the pain was unbearable and...as we all know somewhere deep inside...you can't push the river...
GODDAMNED IT! LOL! (can I talk like this here?)
Yes, alcohol can make you feel worse if you're bordering on low neurotransmission reuptake availability (me psych talk pretty one day) and you are right now, darlin', you so are. No worries, you'll have plenty of time to sod those cells...
I shall return. You are always welcome to join me, too.
One favor...please add a "t" to the end of me name, eh? The site is thepsychotherapist.blogspot.com. Who knew a "t" could be so important? (smile)
And I won't hold it against you that you're to be a lawyer. Married one decades ago and left when the power struggles became too stupid. If you glean anything from reading me you should know that didn't take too long. LOLOLOL!
Sending you peace.
No more advice from this end.
You just need to be with it all right now. Too raw, I know, but just keep feeling...everything.
That's the only way through.
Short-cuts delay healing and if I'm lyin', I'm dyin'.
/heading for the kitchen and a nice cup of decaf espresso before settling in for a good read, movie and run to a gourmet market.
hello my psycho therapist friend..thank you so much for those words of wisdom and yes you can talk any goddamn way you like here. lol You are so right about trying to rush it. Im not trying to push the river Im trying to shove,force and move it on down. lol permission? that is a new concept. permission to feel. ive thought about permission to fel good but never considered the other. Funny. You have a wise friend and not only is that the best little advise you got but also the best advise Ive gotten.
Hi Phoenixanddragon! I see you have met the lovely Psycho Therapist! Isn't she marvelous? She's smart, too. Nice combo to have in a blog-buddy... just sayin'.
yes absolutely FAB!! lol
Well, Lynn, those are very dear things to say. I am most grateful. How lovely.
It was that kiss in the cabin, wasn't it?
:)
what kiss? lol :)
PT: That was one fabulous kiss.
Phoenixanddragon: See her achives for Sept 17 & 18. Just a little fantasy.
Right On!!
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