side note to the whatever blog

Side note to the whatever blog

In my last blog I wrote about texting her and asking her to come over and my motives for doing so. I feel the need to explain a little about that. to say I had a shit day was an understatement. I felt as though my brain had all it could take. I dont do drugs, rarely drink and an old escape for me was sex. just felt as though I needed to get away and I knew that having her come over was a way to do that. I knew I couldnt, nor did I want to go to anyone else beause I didnt want to share that with anyone else, also I knew she could take me to a place that I needed to go. I didnt want to be made love to, I didnt want to share feelings I just wanted to get away and in the process possibly have a little closure. she had said that she was surprised that i wasnt fucking her out of my mind. I used to do that, out of a relationship into anothers bed. I guess I was trying to do that but just with her. I wanted to be able to let go of eveything. I wanted her to not stop when i asked her to, I wanted her to continue on even if cried, I wanted us to have angry sex. Thats what I was wanting. A chance to cleanse ourselves. it wasnt meant as disrespectful, degrading, offensive or anything negative it was something that just was. It was an old behavior and I was just seeking comfort and reflief in pretty much the only way I could think of. Healthy? I dont know but I do know it works. It is a mute point now but I just wanted to explain. I wrote about it because it was on my mind and I was upset with myself for even asking that of her.