just had to open my eyes to see what was right in front of me all along

Its amazing how things can change in an instant. Her name is Kasi. I've known her for 12 years and she just recently came back into my life. My dear friend Drake had her come down to help out getting his house ready to sell. I got the phone call last Sat. that she was here and I went right over. As soon as I saw her I knew I was in trouble but when I hugged her I knew I didn't ever want to let her go. As I have said before timing is everything and timing has never been right with us. It really isn't the perfect timing now but its doable. Things have moved so quick but I am sure of what I want. I just needed to remove some of the distractions from my life in order to get here. I couldn't see the forest through the trees.
We are talking about a time line as to when I can move up there and what I am going to do. Right now I have a few life choices. I will probably be starting the officers academy soon and I will have to give a two year commitment to that but I have it figured out how I can spend at least 3 to 4 days a week there with her. Her moving down here isn't an option due. The girls cant be displaced and I don't want them to be.
Its amazing to me the amount of responsibility that is now facing me. More than I have every faced. Not only am I living for myself but for three others and planning on another soon. I have made the decision to go from keg stands, titty bars and being a "player" to trading it in for a suburban life. I am so o.k. with that. I had made that decision before Kasi came back into my life I just hadn't found the right person to do it with. Needless to say Im holding off on that crotch rocket and putting my focus on getting my life arranged so I can move up there to be with her and the girls. Im so not scared about any of this. I dont have the slightest bit of worry that she is going to hurt me, that this isnt going to work out or that I am going to move 3 states away. I know it is going to work out. Just lookng into her eyes takes my breath away, just touching her make my heart skip a beat. She is intelligent, beautiful, adventures, funny, giving, honest and she puts the bee in my bonet.
When I tell my friends about her I tell them that this is the woman that I am going to spend the rest of my life with. A few have said how happy they are for me but a few close friends have asked " do you know what your getting into? You know you'll have to grow up?" What the fuck! Its not like I picked her up in the bar last night and just found out her last name. This isnt a typical Lesbian U-Haul thing. I knew I loved her 12 years ago but I had growing up to do. I had to rid myself of the distractions and had to be ready to be able to see her. They ask her the same questions. "Do you know what your getting into with hoops? She is Peter Pan that wont grow up. She even had someone tell her that I could never be happy if I was removed from the limelight of O-Town." Once again what the fuck. Are we that young, blind and stupid to not know what we want or what we are looking at? I appreciate the effort but stop trying to tell me what make me happy. Just be happy that we have finally found each other. Dont try to put doubt, worry or fear somewhere it isnt.

QUICKIE

Graveyard shift SUCKS!!! I said I would take this shift for a week so that the people that regularly work it can study for the bar. What was I thinking? I come in at midnight and work until 0800. There are some interesting people coming in at this time but it is cutting into my Sunday night out. My buddy Bink and I have a new Sunday night event. we go up to a local strip bar and hang out. It is hospitality night and drinks are half off. Of course we only go for the cheap drinks. :) We now have a Sunday night table reserved for us. It is a great time, cold drinks, hot women and good company.

Lauren is home in Boston and I don't know what to do with myself. Its a good thing I'm working nights and sleeping during the day because when she is here I'm either hanging with her or talking to her on the phone. While she has been home she decided to move back to Boston. That really sucks!! My riding, titty bar wake up caller, good night caller buddy is going to be leaving. there isn't a date yet but probably next month or in Sept.

Here's a huge news flash: I was looking at the Suzuki Hayabusa.

I know its a crotch rocket. Actually the fastest rice burner on the market. I have a friend that has one and she is going to let me take hers out to see if I really want one or not. I went and spoke with a dealer the other day and filled out the application for financing just in case. I think I'm going to get it. NO I'm not getting rid of the Harley!! Just have a need for speed that the Harley isn't filling. I don't want to do wheelies down the highway I just want to go fast that and it lokks TIGHT. I'm taking her bike out in the next few days so Ill know then for sure.

So its fourth of July and Im sitting at work being quite bored which is unusual and who do I get a text from but freak out lady. It reads party at the house are you coming? At this point im not sure of who it is from since I erased all numbers from my phone book and havent given her a second thought since that Sunday evening. When I realize who it is from I text back saying are you sure you meant to send me this invite. The reply was a simple yes so I called to see what was beneath this out of nowhere text. It was a polite converstion that ended with me saying I would stop by after work but I wanted to talk to her about what had happened. She was in agreement so I went over after work. Bizarre very Bizarre. I am absolutely amazed how distorted her perception of events were. She said she was so upset about that sunday night because I left her to fend for herself from a girl that is pursuing her. Thats funny because all the texts she sent that night had to do with me leaving with a girl. Then she said that people would ask her why I was behaving the way I was and that she didnt think I was behaving the way one should if they wanted a relationship. HELLO! Has anyone been listening? I told her I would agree to that because I DIDNT WANT A RELATIONSHIP!!! Then she would tell me how all her friends said that we were a perfect couple, how nice I was, and how good we were together. Now it is that everyone who according to her always said that I ws a bad for her and that she tried to end it a long time ago. Whatever!!Then the name calling started that I was a player and that she wasnt looking to be with a player. Is anyone home ? Is she even listening to me then or before? I asked her to describe a player. She said it was someone who went from one person to another, not setteling down, always looking for the next person. O.K Ill give in to that but I consider that casual dating or just sleeping around. Yes Ive been a little slut puppy but so what? I have not lied to anyone, led anyone on thinking I want something more. I told her that when I settle down, and I know I will eventually, I want it to be with someone that when I hear a love song on the radio I think of them, when I get a text message from them I get butterflies in the stomach, someone I have a passion for, the thought of their touch gives me goosebumps and makes me smile and I havent found that yet. I wasnt setteling down with her because I didnt feel that with her thats why I was behaving like I was. DUHH Then it finished up with her telling me that she had found someone and that she hoped that I too can find someone special like she has. I now know what talking to a wall is like. I dont want a relatioship right now. I am so focused on my life right now I dont have time for a partner. It will happen without me looking for one and in its own time but in the meantime I work 3 jobs and will be starting the Correction Officer Academy next month. Not to mention time on the bike and sleep time. Did someone say sleep? What is that? LOL Anywho the numbers are still deleated and I hope that the next girl she dates has better luck with the personalities (nickname for her is Sybill) than I did.

O.K. the shopping cart story. (One word of warning this was much more funny when it occurred so it might be one of those things of you having to be there.) One night Lauren and I were on a late night ride and discovered a shopping cart in the road. Doing our civil obligation we decided to remove it from the flow of traffic. To put a spin on it and add some fun it had to be moved without her getting off the bike. The thought was there but the technical possibilities of the cart just weren't all they needed to be in order to complete our task. Lauren tried to hold on to the cart and pull it behind us but that only worked for a few feet then the wheels started to spin out of control and it would crash into the side of the road. After a few failed attempts we decided to scratch the mission until a later time when we could ponder the issue better. Well the opportunity arouse when we were coming home from karaoke that Tuesday night. Its amazing what insight a few beers can lend to a perplexing situation like towing a shopping cart. While driving home we passed a Publix (a local grocery) that didn't take a few carts in. SCORE!! Our chance to redeem ourselves. After retrieving a cart and closely examining the situation we figured out if she sat backwards on the bike, tipped the cart on the back wheels(to eliminate spinning) that this would work. What do you know!! it worked we drove all around that plaza to to test the situation in different elements. After a few minutes we got bored of our conquest(worrying the police were going to arrive) and figured we needed to contemplate our next adventure. I was going to drive home with her sitting backwards on the bike but I figured we had better check the law books to make sure that we wouldn't be breaking a law. I don't think there is a law saying the passenger has to be facing forwards on a motorcycle but I would really hate to pay my work a visit form the other side.

HAY THERE HI THERE HO THERE!!

So it seems as its been forever since I have written and it has. So much to catch up on. Since last blog I applied to law schools but alas I procrastinated too long and I missed the cutoff. True to the saying that everything happens for a reason it turns out one of the schools I applied to might not be losing its ABA approval so its a good thing that I waited. LOL
Anyway working at another Harley dealership and having a blast. Job at the PD's is going great but very busy. Working down at the jail is rewarding,incredibly tear jerking, and frustrating all rolled up together. It is a great place to start but I don't see myself making a career out of this. One of the officers at the jail is sponsoring me for the academy so i figured I would give that side of the judicial system a try and see what happens. I have another year left before I can apply to law school again so I figured why not. Another door is opening so lets see where it leads.
Love life is another thing altogether. I'm still single and very happy to be this way. I was dating a lady for a month or so but she had this incredibly bad habit of talking out of both sides of her mouth. One story would be she wanted to take things slow and easy and then the next thing would be she didn't see the relationship being where it is supposed to be. WHAT?? I would tell her how I wanted things to be easy and that I didn't want to be in a relationship right now. I wanted to see where things would go and let things happen in their own time but that wasn't possible for her. She is used to getting what she wants when she wants it but I'm not one of those things.I kept saying that I didn't come with any past girlfriend issues and that when I settled down I was able to give that relationship 100% of me. I didn't come with trust issues, insecurity issues or hang ups. Of course I still have things to work on, we all do and will to the day we die but I wasn't going to bring any of these into a relationship. I was in a emotional position to not let my past ruin my future. That not what i got from her. Holy shit!! The insecurity issues, the mistrust and just plain psycho behavior. Needless to say it ended pretty badly and unfortunately I think i lost what was a friend but that is by her choice. It started once a week I would get the talk that went something like this" I cant do this anymore , you are too close I don't want to get hurt and I'm ready to settle down. we are in two different places." Then every couple of days I would get the talk. I told her that I would not commit myself to a relationship that was unstable, and emotionally unsafe. I would not knowingly put myself into a potentially damaging situation. The situation came to a head when we went out to a bar, I took the motorcycle and she drove her car with some friends. After being at the bar for a bit I ran into a old friend after talking to him he introduced me to a friend of his. She said she like to ride so I took her for a quick ride on the bike. I didn't tell her I was leaving for a few but I did tell a friend that i would be back in a few. When I got back she went apeshit. Screaming at me saying to never call her again, and the nerve of me to leave with that girl. That my ego needs to feed. I admit having a Harley is great for the ego. That one of the perks of having one. DUHH!!! Anywho I get accused of arranging to meet this girl there and I had that ride planned out, etc etc etc.. One of the last things she texted me (because I hung up on her phone call) was "was that ride worth it?" If I would have answered her back the answer would have been HELL YES!! The girls name I went riding with is Lauren. I didn't find that out until later. Anyway we exchanged numbers and have been hanging out everyday since we met. I get out of work at 1230A.M and she meets me at my house and we go riding until usually 3 or 4 in the A.M. We are just hanging out chillin. She is from Boston and I crack up every time we talk. The other night we went to Karaoke, got a good buzz going, sang all night then rode home. The singing:horrible but fun, the drinking: cold beer and relaxing, the ride home: a blast! We have this shopping cart thing going on that Ill explain later but we have such a good time together. Anyway I found an awesome friend out of all that crap so yes it was worth it.