direction

Started Sat. night when I came over to sit for Mother Rick. Rosies family cruise was on and what a tear jerker. Watching all those families it was so touching. My clock seems to be ticking anyway but compounded with that show . OH MY GOD!! I turned it off halfway through I just couldnt watch it anymore. I ended up just going to bed.
Sunday morning I didnt have to be at work until 100 so I decided I to go to mass. Right after communion I went back and started to pray. Just asking God to show me what direction I am going in, and to give me the wisdom to be on that track and the strength to carry on. I know that there is a purpose and there is a plan I just really needed to have a sign shown to me. To give me some indication and relief.Now Im not much of a bible thumper by any means but I know I have to start filling my life up something other than what I have been feeling. I want my life to take a direction and I feel so ready for it to get moving yet at the same time I still feel as if I need a direction to take it. Some people say that relegion is for the weak. I can understand that because I feel weak right now. I have tried eveything that I know to deal with issues in my life and I cant do it. Maybe Im trying to push the river. My mind, body and spirit need relief. I cant let go, I dont want to. o.k. I sense a ramble coming on... I dont want to let go becaue I told myself that the last relationship was going to be the last, that I didnt ever want to go through a break up again, I didnt want to deal with the hurt. I guess in my mind Im sticking to it, if I dont let go I dont have to deal with it. Forget the ramble Ill save it for later no energy for that. back to the scheduled blog...There are so many options. After church I went back to Mother Ricks for breakfast and we started talking about the t.v show and the mass. We both started bawling in the kitchen. There are some things that I want and I have become aware that time is running out. Uncle Mike told me to come read the sports page and Mother Rick just handed me a tissue.