yo-yo

One final done two to go. I havent had much time to come and write and I miss it. I have been so busy that I havent had a chance to do much of anything which is a good thing. My body is telling me I need to slow down a little but Im concerned that by slowing down my feelings will catch up to me. It has occured to me that all I have been doing is running, granted it has been to positive things but I have yet to face some issues. A while back the slowing and just letting the feelings be stopped working, I got tired of just letting them be so I started running. I tried letting go but letting go was so much easier when I wasnt thinking of them. those pesty little emotions have a way of creeping back in even when you dont want them to. I dont know how to just stop feeling this sadness. I have tried ignoring it, I have tried talking about it, I tried letting go and giving it to God, Ive tried old behaviors, Ive tried faking it til I make it and nothing works. Maybe Im not supposed to get over it. All I know is that I feel a void inside and no mattter how much I do for myself it isnt being filled. There have been days that I constantly ask God to take it away, to remove the ache and it comes right back. I know it isnt for me to ask why but... why doesnt it go away. Why cant I just heal. I dont want to be broken. Why the fuck am I still rambleling on about this? I feel like a giant yo-yo, back and forth.